I hate making decisions. The possibility of making a bad one haunts me, especially if it will affect other people. Especially if it is likely to affect other people negatively, increase a burden on people I care about. Even if it will make life better for other people I care about.
There is a voice deep, deep within that cannot be heard unless one listens and listens with full and quiet attention with a willingness to accept what it has to say, listens without the interruptive, "but"s and "what if"s that will tend to crowd themselves into the meditative silences needed for the voice to be heard at all. It very rarely give explanation. Usually it doesn't even communicate in words, as such, but it makes itself clear and then waits, leaves the decision and the execution of that decision entirely within one's own outer realms to do or leave undone. I know I need to go into those silences and listen, but I've a good idea of what I will hear already, and it grieves me, even as it gives me a thrill of anticipation.
And, no. I'm not considering starching Great Scott's boxers. Again.
This is not a comfortable place.