Friday, November 11, 2005

More Procrastination Aids

Go ahead. Blame your dropping work productivity on me. You know you love them.

Because Great Scott was for many years of our marriage a devoted caffeine addict, I found the following site particularly fun. Go find out how much of your favorite caffeinated beverage you'd have to drink to die of caffeine overdose.

You seen them--cheerful, brightly colored ads for prescription drugs--"Ask your doctor about XXX." "See if XXX is right for you."---followed by a two-page spread of hair-raising, small print about experimental studies and side effects, usually containing words like, "pain," "vomiting," "hemorrhage," "arrhythmia," "tremor," "thrombocytopenia," "cardiac failure," and (my personal favorite), "death." Sounds like fun for the whole family, eh? Well, at last our troubles are over: Panexa has arrived! Be sure to read all the fine print. It's worth it. Here's a sample:

WARNINGS
Muscle: In a small number of tested cases (84%) PANEXAwas found to cause abdominal wall muscle breakdown coupled with spasmodic activity in lower back/spinal muscles, resulting in most patients violently bending forward like a book slamming shut. While some other drugs promote similar responses (gemifbrozil, fresh cherries, nicitonic acid, cyclosporine, mustard gas, and acetomenaphin) PANEXA's reactions are over 48X as powerful and take place with a great deal more panache and flash. Also, PANEXA can contribute to developing inhumanly powerful tongue muscles, capable of licking through steel. Lymphatic System: If, after taking PANEXA for a period of four to six weeks, you still have any functioning lymph nodes remaining, double the dosage every two (3) weeks until they are all gone.



Thanks to Shrinkette for the most excellent links.

4 comments:

GrumpyTeacher1 said...

Argh! I just put the coffee link on my blog.

I'm too slow!

Randy said...

OH thank you. I am so glad I didn't have that 340th can of diet vanilla coke today.

::: big sigh of relief ... hugging confused room mate :::

Brad said...

I think that caffiene poisoning would be of little concern after three hundred and some cans of Coke. The acidity would have long reduced me to a viscous slurry by then. Mmmmmm.. . . slurry.

Lauren (AKA Brad's shorter half) said...

But caffeine is the elixir of wakefulness! Must have caffeine! ::twitches, trembles, and eyes the Starbucks whilst wiping drool from chin:: Hehehe.. actually I can take or leave coffee, especially since the way I drink it, it will only take 72.96 cups to kill me. If my bladder didn't burst and do it sooner.