Sunday, November 20, 2005

Because it's Good for You

I hated those words as a child. They applied to everything from canned spinach to an early bedtime to that nasty pink antibiotic nuclear sludge the doctor prescribed everytime my mother dragged me into his office. I still don't like them--the words OR those other things, thankyouverymuch.

An odd thing about depression. At least the one I've been slipping into further and further all weekend. It saps your volitional strength, your willed ability to choose to do the very things that would help pull you out of depression's sucking muck and back toward some sort of solid shore. The things that are good for you are the very things for which you have the least desire. One of the disadvantages of being an adult, however, is that you can no longer deny that you know what is good for you, and since you know, you have a sort of obligation to put up or shut up, regardless of whether or not you feel like it.

I find this irritating.

So, with all the enthusiasm of a three-year-old downing a teaspoon of amoxicillin, I'm going to do what's good for me and take an active stance in the WAW (War Against Whining) that Randy is waging over at Everyday Thoughts Collected, by listing ten things for which I'm grateful.

1. I'm grateful my life is not an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. (We watched The Phantom of the Opera--movie version--this weekend, and I was rather disturbed to find that the Phantom reminded me of a particular internet acquaintance, although I couldn't explain quite why.)

2. I'm grateful for the open patch of sky over our house tonight. The stars are cold and distant and set in much darkness, but they're also comforting and clear.

3. I'm grateful for the nap stolen on my mother-in-law's couch this afternoon.

4. I'm grateful that I'm going to be an aunt all over again next July.

5. I'm grateful for good poetry.

6. I'm grateful for ink and paper and beautiful blank journals.

7. I'm grateful that I'm not essential. That would be too much weight to bear.

8. I'm grateful for beads and wire, fastenings and tools, garnets, citrine, jade, tourmaline, freshwater pearls, peridot, onyx, picture jasper, red tigereye and silver. For solid materials to hold in my hands when my mind won't hold words or concepts with which to work.

9. I'm grateful for utterly ridiculously trivial nonsensicallities like Lady Macbeth (see the very bottom of Quotidian Light's main page) with which I can amuse myself for hours, if a bit maniacally some of the time, I'll admit.

10. I'm grateful for light, even when the sky is leaden and the sun, it seems, has turned to brass. And I'm grateful for darkness, also, as much as I hate it often enough. And for the interplay of the two.

5 comments:

alaiyo said...

I LOVE Lady MacBeth! Being slow (and since it's also early morning), it took me awhile to figure out how she "works." Then I wasted several minutes playing with her. A great way to start a bleak, rainy Monday!

These last several posts have been an encouragement, LuCindy. Seasonal depression is not, I think, my problem, but what I go through is often very similar, as you know. And it just helps when someone is able to write about it and remind me that I'm not alone and there are ways to walk through the deep waters even when it seems one must surely be drowning.

I do not, however, plan to feel one iota of guilt as I chow down on turkey at Joshua and Ria's this week. :)

Love you, dear friend. Prayers are with you.

Beth

GrumpyTeacher1 said...

I'm grateful for you, Woman.

I_Wonder said...

11. I'm thankful for your list!

seeker said...

Thank you for sharing your list. It's wonderful

Cindy said...

Beth--"there are ways to walk through the deep waters even when it seems one must surely be drowning." This is going into my book of quotations to hoard up against dark days. Thank you, and enjoy your murdered bird even as you bring blizzards down upon our heads. ;) Better blizzards than gizzards, I suppose, though...

Great Scott!--And I am grateful for a husband who at least, if he has to enjoy calling his wife "Woman", also enjoys ducking afterward. Thank you for a lively marriage.

Paul--And I'm grateful for your blog. It's become a daily read for me.

Seeker--Why thank you. And when shall we expect to see yours? :)